Unique Is My Dove

I haven't written anything lately, because frankly my life has turned into lots of "the same." I never wanted to say this, but...I've gotten used to it. I've pretty successfully adopted the "Gotta do what you gotta do" attitude, at least for the time being.

I work just under 40 hours a week amongst the milk, juice, and yogurt in the Wegman's Dairy Department. In addition, I also work anywhere from 8 to 22 hours a week in a group home for the Barber National Institute taking care of 4 individuals with special needs. I wish it were the other way around. I'm working on making that happen, but it's a slow process.

I do a lot of driving, due to the fact that my mom and I are sharing a car. We drop her off and vice versa. I don't hate it. I love driving. It's me time. Only me time I really get...

So my tentative plan is as follows: work hard, pay rent, move home, pay school, take summer classes, resume financial aid, get back on track in school, and possibly a cross country move to Reno [pending a few outside circumstances]

Though my life is largely clouded by dull gray monotony, there are occasional breaks in the storm. Luckily, my free time is mostly concentrated in the weekends leaving me just enough time to recharge my batteries with my friends. Or more recently, a certain New Yorker. Her off time has been lining up with mine, and the resulting time spent has been perfect. It sounds super cheesy, but she really has been the light of my life. She's been making everything okay. She's keeping me sane. So, it's only fair that I do my best for her too right? Right.

Also, TOUR IS IN 4 DAYS!!! God, I cannot fucking wait. I don't know if you know this, but there's just about nothing I love more than the road. It's just heaven for me. Agh, I want it always. And what's more?! I get to play music with my friends the whole time!!! Heaven I tell ya.

My light brown cardboard Hell...

Cute little pills

Ice Castle!

Perfection

My friends take over where ever we go

My town is pretty...sometimes...

Dead So Soon

I've been feeling smaller and smaller. More and more insignificant. Less and less important. To everyone. I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

I wish I had more to report, but as I've mentioned. All I do is work. I hardly see anyone outside of Wegman's. And if I do, most of the time I'm too tired to really do anything fun.

The coming months are going to bring nothing but work, stress, and loneliness.

Here's to second shift oblivion.

Playlist: Sinners & Saints "The Sky Is Falling"


PS: Miss you bud. CJW.

Routine Bitching Hard

Let me start out by telling you that I am becoming everything I don't ever want to be. All I do is work. And I work mostly second shift. And I never see my friends. It's my best friend's birthday. I saw him for twenty minutes. I work about fifty hours this week. And who knows how many I will work next week. I try not to bitch, cause I do it to myself. I could ask for less hours. I could quit one of my jobs. But I need the money. Not like, "I need the money to buy some cool shit" [but I will buy some cool shit], but more like "I owe two grand in rent, thirty six hundred in tuition, twenty five hundred on a personal loan, and have to some how save up enough to go back to school in the fall, and get a car and pay insurance...so I NEED the fucking money." So, I'm going to suck it up, work as much as I can, try to save as much as I can, try to see my friends when I can, try to be in two bands when I can, and maybe sleep. Maybe.

* * *

I just want you.
I just want you to know.
I just want you to know that I have never been a more perfect man.
I just want you to know that I have never been a more perfect man and that you have never been a more perfect woman.

But seriously, I have never put so much into something like this. Not even in my past relationships. Not with the girl I thought I'd marry. I feel like that is saying something. Not even that I'm in love, or anything close to it, but maybe that I've grown up. Grown into someone worth having? I haven't taken it lightly cause I feel like you're worth it. Worth the time, the money, the energy, the effort, the everything.

You don't want it? Or think you don't deserve it? Or think you can't commit? Or think you're moving on, out of here? Well what if you don't? What if you come here...like you want to? Still nothing I bet...


Forever doomed to be attracted to those not attracted to me. Or those who are unavailable. Or those I simply can't have. Or however you wanna put it.


FOREVER FUCKED.